The Astroblast Movie/Transcript

Jet: Aah! This place give me the juicebumps!

Comet: Maybe we should go back!

Venus: Very back!

Halley: No, We can't go back now, you guys! Okey-Dokey Jones never goes back!

Halley: Hang on to your diapies, babies, we're goin' in!

Jet: (voice over) ''That's Halley Vivian. She's the bravest baby I ever knowed!''

Jet: (voice over) And that's Comet and Venus Uh, uh, well, they--they like worms.

Jet: (voice over) And I'm Jet. Uh... I'm not so brave.

Jet: (voice over) But that's okay, 'cause I got Halley, and she's my bestest friend. (giggles)

Jet: Watch out!

Halley: Keep moving it's right behind us!

Jet: Tommy! Help me!

Halley: Come on, Chuckie!

Olivia: Halley! You kids shouldn't be playing in here!

Jet: (voice over) We thought the fun times would last forever.

Jet: (voice over) But we was wrong!

Olivia: Oh, my.

Caroline: Upsy-daisy, Didi.

Olivia: Thanks.

Frogilina: Thank you for inviting me to your baby shower, Mrs. Vivian.

Olivia: Glad you could be here, Frogilina.

Woman #1: What a pretty party dress, Sputnik.

Sputnik: Thank you. My mommy's assistant bought it especially for my Aunt Didi's party. (Frogilina laughs while making fun of Sputnik's dress.) Don't say a word.

Aunt Bess: All right, I got $20 on 8 pounds, 6 ounces. 8 pounds 6. Who's got 8-7?

Man: 12!

Aunt Bess: 12 pounds? What are you, crazy?

Luke: Gosh, you can hardly tell she's gained any weight.

Woman #2: Oh, don't worry.

Luke: I mean, you know from behind.

Clare: There you are, Olivia. Come. Look what we got for you. Boris, move your tuchus.

Olivia: A goat? Oh, Mom, you shouldn't have.

Clare: Nothing better for the little bubula than goat's milk.

Boris: Except maybe yak. But you try finding good yak these days. (The babies run and bump into the goat and it bleats.) He's saying, "Hello". There you go, kinderlach, some chocolate coins.

Woman #3: Everything I, oh...

Comet: Aren't you gonna eat it, Halley?

Halley: Nope. I'm saving it for my baby sister.

Jet: Oh, you mean, she finally came?

Halley: Not yet, but they're giving her this big party, so I'm pretty sure today's the day.

Venus: Do you think she got losted on her way to the party?

Halley: Hmm, I don't know. Maybe we better go look for her. Come on!

Jet: Uh, but, Halley, she could be anywheres.

Caroline: Watch it, pups.

Olivia: Careful.

Lillian: (on phone) I'll get back to you, Jonathan. I've got to say "hi" to the life of the party. (to Didi) How's our little man?

Olivia: I told you, Lillian, Dr. Lipschitz says, "it's a girl."

Caroline: Ha! That windbag thought Phil and Lil were intestinal gas.

Aunt Bess: Face it, dolly. Riding high, it's a guy.

Lillian: Well, you know what they say, "Born under Venus, look for a..." (Her phone rings, interrupting her conversation. She immediately answers.) Hello?

Olivia: Now, now, Dr. Lipschitz is the expert. I don't see any of you with a PHD in latin.

Caroline: Yeah, pig Latin maybe. Well, let's just hope for Halley's sake it's a girl. I'd hate to think how much my pups would be squabbling if they were both boys.

Olivia: Uh, uh, uh. Let's not do any gender stereotyping. After all, Matthew and Matt are brothers, and they get along just fine.

(Cut to basement, where Matthew and Matt are arguing.)

Matthew: Pushy!

Matt: Lazy!

Matthew: Bossy!

Matt: Inconsiderate!

Matthew: Nosy!

Matt: Good for nothing!

Matthew: Busy-body!

Both: WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!

Matt: We're talking about a real job, Matthew, with benefits.

Matthew: I'm not going to waste my life as a clock-punching, paper-pushing, bean-counting... Oh, no, offense.

(Matthew proceeds to weld.)

Matt: You barely make ends meet now. You've got no insurance, no savings, and another kid on the way!

Matthew: For your information, bro, I am working on something right now that is going to put this branch of the Vivian family on Easy Street.

Matt: What is it this time, huh, an electric sponge?

Matthew: Of course not! That was last year. (reveals a skeleton of the Dinosaur Guy Wagon) This, this is the Dinosaur Guy Wagon! The ultimate in toddler transportation. The perfect children's toy!

(Grandpa fixes an old radio as he talks.)

Grandpa: In my day, we had plenty of fun just throwin' rocks at each other. Big bag of dirt clods, that's what the kids want.

Matthew: The Dinosaur Corporation is holding a toy design contest and the winner gets $500!

Matt: (sarcastically) Ooh!

Matthew: And there'll be plenty more if this toy's a hit, and I'll be famous!

Matt: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you said when you built that stupid thing.

(Matt points to a Dactar glider, which is suspended from the ceiling.)

Matthew: Maybe Dactar was a little...complex, but... this... this...watch! (speaking into microphone, in normal voice) I am Dinosaur Guy! Hear me roar!

Dinosaur Guy Wagon: (Matthew's voice, distorted) I am Dinosaur Guy! Here me roar!

(The Dinosaur Guy Wagon spits fire.)

Grandpa: Dang-flabbit! Can't a man work in his own basement without gettin' barbecued?!

Matthew: Okay, so maybe real fire isn't the best idea for a children's toy.

(Matt's shirt is smoldering; Matthew sprays Matt with the fire extinguisher.)